TRIGGER WARNING: SUCIDE

If it was down to me 

i would live life in silence

Awake only in dreams,

Deaf to whispers of violence

My days of residentials is over for now-

its nice to pretend that you fit in somewhere else.

where people, they dont throw themselves off bridges.

and no one asks how you are doing every day.

breakdown are shoves into bathrooms,

emotions are saved for therapy days.

it's been months

every so often, i find myself alone

as the heavens are quilted in midnight ink,

or the sun threatens to rise into a coppery red sky.

i check the journel i kept there,

skim angst- filled enteries and scribbled of scarecrows.

and trembling fingers flip to the 'CONTACTS' page.

i stare at her for too long

to make sure i will never forget her last name.

when i stumble back to everyone else,

i stretch out my face, till my eyes look bright.

and try to forget her handwriting

and crawl back to someone who hasn't existed for months

who would only ignore her friends, when she was in trouble or you know, dead.

have you ever wanted someone to tell you they hate you,

just so you know, they are alive?

that you fucked up on wednesday evening when you should have run after her

with sweatshirt sleeve to dry her tears.

Now everyday is thursday

and my patience is fraying at the ends,

like the thread the fate has spun for me

i can't keep waiting untill sunday.