THAT ONE NAME

That name burns on my toungue,

festers with guilt, and if i say it out loud

i'll crumple.

The world caves in on itself

hands reaching for my stomach and grasping my soul.

tearing through the fall, and watching the seems rip.

fabricated cheeks and fresh eyes 

turning hollow and charcoal

a cricuit broke as i shut down

eyes glazed over,

program feebly running

every breath was a heave

as i wailed,

and no one could touch me for hours.

i learnt what it felt like

to grief so deeply

for someone still alive.