A CONVERSATION WITH MY PAST SELF

Did you wonder if i'd been spared

are you lonely

did you buy your freedom

or fit you earn it

my mother still loves me

I inherited everything

some things stayed

like dread at dawn

would you be proud

of how i carry it

I don't

which one of us is 

better

which one of us can 

lie

                                              

Did you wonder if i'd been spared or did you think the veil and vow would save you

are you lonely wasn't twelve too young

did you buy your freedom did you accept their hindsight

or did you earn it the honest way

my mother still loves me she doesn't know how to stop

I inherited everything except her eyes

some things stayed the same

like dread at dawn and revelations at midnight

would you be proud of how well i shoulder the weight

of how i carry it with grace and locked lips

I don't know how to stop

which one of us is going to say it gets better

which one of us can stomach the lie.